dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
