i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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