GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
