Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
