Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Welp...herpes.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
