whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
