Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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