Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize