Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
