dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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