I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
