I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
