my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
