Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
