Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
