My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
