just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
