Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
