Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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