Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
