I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
