i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
