She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
