i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
