Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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