if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is the high leading the old right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
