So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
