his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
