I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
