____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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