Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
