I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
