I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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