u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He passed out mid-signature
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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