he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
