I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
