We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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