90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
