I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
