she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
