Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
