bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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