her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
