$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
