I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
