If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
