Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
