rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
