Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He felt like a one man threesome
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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