So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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