My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
