you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
