she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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