so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
