the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize