i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
