I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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