This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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