i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
