i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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