Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
