I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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