yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
