I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
