dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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