mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
