When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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