bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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